


Saber Marionette J drabbles

by KB9VCN



Category: Saber Marionette J
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2002-03-31
Updated: 2007-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-28 02:57:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8428738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Written March 2002; humor; 100 words.This takes place after episode 21 of the anime.This contains slapstick violence.  Reader discretion is advised.





	1. Dishing It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2002; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This takes place after episode 21 of the anime.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Bloodberry smirked. "Tupperware salesman, huh?"

"Yeah, I ran out of money again," Hanagata said. "But this stuff practically sells itself."

He held up a bowl and "burped" it. Lime laughed and clapped.

"Allow me to compare this fine product with..." Hanagata grabbed the only dishes at hand— the marionettes' precious tea cups. "...with the obviously inferior tableware found in most homes."

"Hey!" Cherry exclaimed, with a cute yet dangerous pout. Bloodberry growled.

"And this..." Hanagata held up Lime's misshapen cup. "I wouldn't let a dog eat from this..."

Steam blew from Lime's ears.

"So, what color would you like... AAUGH!!"


	2. Modular Dudettes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2002; humor; 200 words.
> 
> The title was taken from a meaningless inside joke from my high school days that has nothing to do with this.
> 
> The marionettes never did anything like this, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they can't...
> 
> This contains weird adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Otaru opened his apartment door and walked in. "I'm ho-WHOAH!! What happened!?"

A pile of interconnected marionette parts wriggled in the middle of the room. Arms and legs stuck out at crazy angles. It might have been grotesque, if it weren't so ridiculous.

Lime's head popped out from one side, attached to someone's leg. "Hey, Otaru! Didja know we were... um... oh yeah! 'Modular'!"

Bloodberry called out from the other side. "Hiya, Otaru. We were bored, and we started swapping heads and limbs, and I guess we got carried away."

Then she smiled slyly. "Care to join us? It's more fun than 'Twister'."

Otaru laughed. "Uh... humans don't come apart and reattach that easily."

Then he frowned, and looked more carefully. "Say, is Cherry in there somewhere?"

A plaintive voice came from deep within the pile. "Otaru? Please make them let me out now. My face is pinned against the flo... ah... ah..."

Lime giggled, but Bloodberry shouted. "Cherry! NO! DON'T!"

"Ah... HAH... ATCHOO!"

The pile exploded. Otaru dodged various flying parts, and then reached and caught Lime's head.

Lime was still giggling. "Hey, Cherry! That was fun! Can we do it again?"

Otaru sighed. "I'll get the duct tape."


	3. Daydream Believer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written January 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> See also "[Daydream Believer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvqeSJlgaNk)" by the Monkees.

Otaru and Cherry gazed deeply into each others' eyes.

"Cherry!"

They brought their faces together, and closed their eyes.

"Hey!! Cherry!!"

Their lips met...

"Fer cryin' out loud!! CHERRY!!"

Bloodberry was yelling at Cherry, and shaking her shoulders like a salad dressing bottle.

Cherry finally opened her eyes. "Bloodberry? What's wrong?"

A scowling Bloodberry counted on her fingers. "Lime's missing, and Otaru's gone looking for her alone... Gartlant's invading... and Hanagata is on fire."

"Oh dear," Cherry said. "Well, at least it's only the usual."

Bloodberry sighed. "Cherry, you've really got to do something about this daydream habit of yours."


	4. The Big Picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written May 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Some home electronics systems are entirely incompatible.

Otaru, Bloodberry and Marine were wandering through a huge home electronics discount store.

Bloodberry sighed. "BORE-ing... Why are there so many home electronics stores on Terra-2, anyway?"

Otaru grinned. "What do you expect? It's a planet full of men."

He grinned again as they walked past some televisions. "Those big flat-screen TVs are cool... Marine? Are you alright?"

Marine fell to her knees and screamed. Several of the largest and most expensive televisions caught fire and melted.

They were quickly surrounded by store security. Otaru gulped. "I guess we shouldn't have brought an X-1 marionette near the plasma screen televisions."


	5. The Squeaky Wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written May 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This is probably an out-take from episode 10.

Panther was chasing Lime across Gartlant's roof-tops. Lime suddenly tripped, lost her footing, and fell.

Panther kneeled over her, grinning malevolently. She produced a small metal object with a long tapered point, and held it over Lime's prone body.

Lime closed her eyes and whimpered. But then, she heard little _ka-tink_! _ka-tink_! noises.

Panther put her oil can away, picked Lime up and set her on her feet, and bounced her in place a few times, testing her shoes.

Lime grinned. "Gee, thanks! My shoes don't squeak any more!"

Panther sighed. "You have no idea how annoying that sound was."


	6. Jumbo Burgers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written June 2003; humor; 100 words.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 7 ("Getting Rich Quick Is A Sour Joy").
> 
> This contains gross-out humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Otaru stood in a back corner of the Nippachi hamburger stand, taking a break and snacking on a burger. "Cherry? This burger is good, but it tastes different."

Cherry smiled sweetly. "Well, we ran out of beef... and..."

Otaru gulped, and eyed his burger. "What. Am. I. Eating?"

Bloodberry grinned. "You remember the elephant that Lime was balancing on a parasol?"

Otaru spun around, leaned through the back window, and became violently and copiously sick.

Cherry turned to the customers at the front counter with a very nervous smile. "And... um... THAT'S what happens when you eat our competitor's burgers!"


	7. Sympathy Vote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written 28-May-2004; humor/parody; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[frailty](http://anime100.livejournal.com/47372.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Excel Saga_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excel_Saga) and [_Neon Genesis Evangelion_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neon_Genesis_Evangelion).
> 
> Besides frailty, the challenge requires: brazen, cherry (heh), and lies.

Lime and Bloodberry were doing their best to catch Otaru's eye while they worked in the restaurant with Cherry. The energetic Lime was bouncing off the walls, while the brazen Bloodberry had left her blouse undone down to THERE.

But then, Cherry dropped a bowl with a loud clatter, and fell heavily over her kitchen counter.

Otaru dashed to her side. "Cherry!! You're working too hard!"

"Don't be silly, Master Otaru," said Cherry, a bit weakly. "I'm a saber marionette... I'm not a frail little flower..."

Otaru took the slight girl up in his arms. "C'mon. I'll set out your bedding, and then you can rest for awhile."

Cherry snuggled into his arms with a happy little smile. "Well, alright."

As Otaru carried Cherry out of the room, the uber-genki Lime and the bodacious Bloodberry looked at each other.

They both realized that they had been going at this all wrong.

—

A few minutes later, Otaru returned to the restaurant. He found that Lime had wrapped herself up in bandages like Rei Ayanami.

Meanwhile, Bloodberry had covered herself with pale makeup. She was pretending to cough up blood in a Hyatt kind of way.

 _This is just sick_ , Otaru thought.


	8. Handy Wipes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Oct-2004; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[fingerprints, broken window, sighs](http://anime100.livejournal.com/59393.html)" prompt.

Bloodberry stood at a window in the restaurant. She scrubbed it with a cloth in her left hand. But she held her right hand flat against the window, and smudged the right half at the same time.

She saw the fingerprints from her right hand, and changed hands— but as she scrubbed the window with her right hand, she held her left hand flat against the window, and so she smudged the left side of the window again.

Cherry walked up, watched Bloodberry for a moment, and sighed. "Haven't you finished cleaning that window yet, Bloodberry? You've been scrubbing it for half an hour."

"These fingerprints just keep coming back!" the not-too-bright Bloodberry said. "But I'll get 'em, sooner or later—"

She looked through the window, and cut herself off. "Oh, here comes Otaru! YOO-HOO!!" She forgot herself, and put her head through the window, completely breaking it out.

Cherry sighed again. "I guess it doesn't matter, now."

And then, Lime ran up. "Didja say Otaru was coming home!?"

She looked at the empty frame. "Wow! That window sure is clean, Bloodberry! It's like there's no glass in it at all!"

Cherry held her face in her hands and whimpered.


	9. Marionettes Illustrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Mar-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #93 "[illustrate](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/131539.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Lime walked up to Otaru. "Whatcha readin'?"

"It's a technical manual that Lorelei wrote about the design and construction of the saber marionettes, like you," Otaru said. "And it's illustrated, too."

Lime glanced at the manual, and giggled, in a naughty schoolgirl way. "Otaru's lookin' at dirty pictures of us!"

Cherry walked up, and peeked at the illustrations. She shrieked and passed out from acute embarrassment.

Then Bloodberry walked up, and took a look. She blushed furiously, and then she suddenly slapped Otaru's face.

Otaru rubbed his cheek. "It's a good thing you haven't read the annual maintenance schedule instructions."


	10. Strange Fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #159 "[immature](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/211336.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

With no money to buy any other food, Otaru and Bloodberry had gone into the woods in search of fruit.

Bloodberry walked up to a tree and effortlessly shook it. Fruit rained down on her and Otaru. "Woo hoo!" Bloodberry said. "Jackpot!"

Otaru examined a fruit. "Mmm... no, these aren't ripe. I'd prefer more mature fruit. It's much sweeter."

"Like ME?" Bloodberry purred seductively. "That makes sense. Who'd want an immature marionette, like a sour Lime or a bitter Cherry, when they could have sweet, sweet Bloodberry LUHRRVE."

"Uh, Bloodberry?" Otaru said, a bit nervously. "You're 'shaking the wrong tree'."


	11. Chest Nuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Jan-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) 2006 Theme Exchange #22 "I am bigger than everything that came before" prompt.
> 
> This contains cheesy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Bloodberry walked into the kitchen, just as Otaru was apparently answering a question from Lime. "Well," he said, "those are much larger than Cherries and Bloodberries—"

"Are you CRAZY!?" Bloodberry suddenly yelled. "Take a closer look, Otaru!!" And then, she grabbed Otaru's head and pushed his face against her chest.

"[* _bbl bbl bbl_ *](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF-U9nL9Ios&t=0m33s)" said Otaru.

"Um, Bloodberry?" said Lime. "Actually, Otaru was saying that LIMES are bigger than CHERRIES and BLOODBERRIES. You know, limes? Like the Earth fruit?"

"...oh." Bloodberry released Otaru, set him down on his feet, and gently patted his head. "Sorry 'bout that, kiddo."

"S'alright," Otaru squeaked.


	12. Eating Me Out Of House And Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Aug-2007; humor; 100 words.

Otaru came home to find Bloodberry frantically gnawing on the doorjamb of the open front door. "Uh, Bloodberry?..." he asked.

"So. Very. HUNGRY," Bloodberry said. "Did you bring any food with you?"

"No," Otaru said. "I'm still flat broke. But there must be some food left somewhere around here."

Lime trotted up, once again bearing something on a tray that was thankfully burned beyond recognition. "Look, Otaru! I made dinner!"

"Where do you find... those?" Otaru asked.

Lime shrugged. "Dunno. Around."

Otaru turned back, pulled a splinter from the doorjamb, and morosely chewed on it. "Tastes like chicken," he lied.


End file.
